It can be an exhilarating experience being able to sext/write dirty between partners. Part of its allure is that it’s a silent, secretive surprise that can come out of nowhere: when you’re at the office, a meeting, out with friends, sitting in church, or talking with your grandmother. Additionally, it adds a little class to the relationship, being able to flex each other’s literary talents, and also, if you’re a budding writer, help with your descriptive and emotive language skills.

The key to it is, arguably, how well each partner can describe what they would like to do with one another, what they’d like to dress them in, where they’d like to do it, how rough, how passionate, etc. Heavy, yet subtle description, is imperative. It’s probably a good idea to have a thesaurus on hand, and a copy or two of something by Henry Miller and Anais Nin to get the creative juices flowing. From there, let the imagination run wild.

Sexting and writing dirty can be far more evocative than sending nude pictures. There’s nothing wrong with nude pics, of course, but reading a long, well-written email or text forces each partner to imagine the scenario in their minds. The actual feeling of anticipation as you read each word and create every image is where exhilaration erupts, and tips each partner over the edge. While receiving a nude pic out of the blue is sudden and scandalous, it’s the momentum of the written word, the pace of how we read and absorb information, that creates such a deep, spiralling feeling of sexual energy. Both pics and stories are fun, but alternating between the two can create great diversity and balance in a couple’s sex life.

Sometimes it can be an awkward, humorous thing to bring up between partners, but that’s just an aspect worth embracing. There’s no need to take anything too seriously with regards to dirty writing. Adding humour to any situation instigates relaxation, releases endorphins, and just overall lightens the mood. It can be intimidating trying to impress a partner by writing dirty, with the fear of embarrassment and humiliation. But the key word here is impress, and in any situation, partners should never feel the need to ‘impress’ one another. Everything about the relationship should be taken in stride, with ease and fun and enjoyment. Sexting/dirty writing is a great way to open up about fantasies, or initiate change in a couple’s sex life. Start with something simple, and see where it can take you.